3-year-old Korean to English Dictionary, Part 1

starbaby = strawberry
ouch! ouch! = i want a pororo bandaid for no reason
i love you teacher = i don't want to go to time out
sweet potato = playdough
one more time *corn* = i want more *corn*, please
i teapoot = i'm a little tea pot
big mess NO! = look at the mess ----- made and put him/her into timeout for my enjoyment!
foodechion! = follow directions!
oh my goonies! = oh my goodness!
i christmassee my house = it is christmas time at my house
me dinosaur two book = i would like two dinosaur books, please

everything else can generally be understood in the context of power rangers and/or dinosaurs.

Things I Said At Work Today

"Please stop eating my pants."
"We do not lick other people's hair."
"Does the hot dog go in the cash register?"
"Don't lick other people's tongues!"
"We do not cut Ms. Kim's hair!"
"Dinosaurs are not allowed in the bathroom."

Painful Foray Back to Poetry on a Rainy Day

It’s always damp but never storms

Trees in such abundant forms

Greens in shades I would have sworn

Were never born.

From such great heights I cast eyes down

At this ever-breathing town

The Earth, I think, is not so round

This edge I’ve found.

Parasols march in shades of pink

With endless minutes paid to think

Flowers twined to interlink

On ocean’s brink.

Characters that I cannot read

Alone, at last, and finally freed

Illiterate, afraid to lead

A newborn creed.

Words that float like dandelions

A belt that could not be Orion’s

With calendars by ancient Mayans

Charging ions.

And so the flat world still revolves

‘Round puzzles better left unsolved

I listen hard to hear the call

And miss it all.

Planet of the Wha?

The movie meals here come with cokes, popcorn, nachos and...

Peanut butter roasted squid.

What Not To Microwave

This image is on the box that our microwave came in. I imagine it says, "For the love of Buddha, do NOT microwave your shoes!" I'd rather eat warm shoes than those fried goo-balls, though...

Taxicab Confessions

Me: Can you take us to Gudeok Market?
Cabbie: Yes!
:::takes us to an elementary school:::

Me: Can you take us to Gudeok Market? (We also show him this in Korean on Brent's phone. He takes out a magnifying glass and studies it closely - which should have been my first clue to vacate the cab immediately.)
Cabbie: Yes!
:::takes us to an apartment complex 30 miles from home:::

Next time, I'm just going to get in and tell the driver to take me to the moon and see what happens. On the way, I'll talk endlessly about myself, since he won't understand a word I'm saying, and tell him all of my deepest and darkest secrets. THEN it might actually be worth 10,000 won.

Korean Wands

In Korea, you have to wave tampons back and forth to open doors. They're basically like magic wands here.